The following article was written by my lovely wife-Amy.
(Graduation was Friday, May 19.)
Over the past five years, I have not had the opportunity to witness one of the youth from Wonder City graduate from high school. This year was different. I was prepared to attend graduation, but I was not prepared for the lack of “senior pride.” For Brenae (our only graduating senior this year), graduation was definitely something to look forward to, but she missed out on many of the highs of graduating. She was unable to purchase her senior pictures, her Senior Book, and Class Ring. I know, I know, these are material things, but they are also rights of passage for a teenager in today’s society. I remember what it felt like knowing there was a good chance I would not have the funds for these things as a senior in high school. My Grandfather eventually purchased them for me, and I had to pay him back as soon as I was able. For many, there is pride in inserting a photo in a graduation announcement, and many people expect the photo to be there. I have heard the phrase “No photo, no gift,” so many times that I too expect to find a photo when I receive a graduation announcement. So I received Brenae’s announcement, opened it up, and what? There is no photo. I knew she had her pictures taken, but was not sure what had happened. So, I called her. There was pain in her voice when she told me she could not afford them. I too was pained when she spoke these words. Not because of what she could not afford, but because of what I was reminded of. I was reminded that we as a society take so much for granted, and that our expectations of individuals tend to be based on our own standards, financial ability and upbringing. While Brenae graduated with “Pomp and Circumstance,” I watched her with a case of the Senior Blues, knowing that I am guilty of taking the little things in life for granted.
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The Magnificat
1 year ago
2 comments:
Amy,
I would email this to you if I could because it is meant for you as opposed to the blog world:)
I am trying to expand my understanding of "urban ministries". The effectiveness of your life's dedication and work is clear from many of the recent triumphs posted on the blog. The first person graduating is GREAT! I know you don't know me, and we probably will never meet, but your blog has weighed heavy on my heart all day.
I was startled to read that graduation "stuff" was viewed as a right's of passage that you or the new graduate might feel apologetic and sad about. Rather I wanted for you to experience undiluted joy and be celebratory that one more person had realized what a waste of money and time all those "things" are and what a great opportunity for a lesson in stewardship and priorities had transparently occurred. I am writing you as a Christian sister who wants to encourage you and your ministry in all ways, and hopefully help free you and those you minister to from stereotypical fleshly expectation to the greater satisfaction of Godly stewardship and cost for value.
My first-born graduated when our family had upper middle class finances, as did our friends and family at that time. He bought no class ring. No invitations were sent. No senior picture was bought or mass-produced. He desired them because his friends were purchasing them until I did major math -summing up the total cost for such fleeting things that people were trying to make money off of him. We searched the scriptures and had numerous economic conversations with him about how every purchase was simply Madison Ave trying to manipulate him as an ignorant consumer. Summer job earnings were expected to be saved, not spent. His "free time", left after doing his academics each day was spent on high school sports.
As a young adult Christian, I did and do believe he and his siblings needed to consider the stewardship of acquiring stuff and asking/sending invitations assuming stuff. He also did not send out invitations from his Harding graduation or later from his medical school graduation. His only time of asking for funds has been to go on mission trips to Africa ...and even when he didn't have any money for a place to rent after graduating from Harding...he still went on a mission campaign to Mexico, stepping out of faith that God would provide when the focus was on a need to help others.
Life decisions were (and continue to be) made in faith, that whatever and wherever God directed, He WOULD provide. In high school family money had been there, but he had learned NOT to spend it! For all the Harding years, NO money was there, so it wasn't available to be spent, but little thought was given to the funds because he had learned to walk in faith for his needs.
Between Harding graduation and starting medical school, he taught one year in inner city N. Little Rock. His salary was so lacking that he still had no money for anything except food and rent. Someone on faculty anonymously sent him a $50 gift certificate to the mall to buy shoes because they realized he was daily teaching with his only shoes and they had a hole in the bottom of them.
At the same time, he taught students in his classes to see beyond their neighborhood and circumstances...after classes, he worked students on Future Problem Solving. One team of three won the environmental competition by creating a solution to how to repair a section of the neighborhood that flooded so badly no one could get to school during bad rains. These children placed as semi finalist in the nation, were flown to Houston by the school district and the N. Little Rock commissioners actually got a $25,000 grant and fixed the road!! All because some precious, inner city middle schoolers saw beyond their "now" circumstances to a vision of their future and how their talents and hard work academically could help them and their community.
By the time the second one graduated, a divorce had occurred. The first was at Harding, two more siblings were in high school, finances were slaughtered, home and vehicle lost, and money was at a survival level...we would have qualified for free school lunches and food stamps. All former financial reality no longer existed. Special occasion dresses were sewn or bought at a Salvation Army / Goodwill. She also had no ring, no invitations, etc. BUT she didn't view it as part of the poverty cycle we were now living in. She could continue holding her head up high and be sincerely at peace because those were NOT things our family was going to spend God's money on...whether we had a lot of money or no money.
She joined her brother at Harding. She also sent out no college invitations or any graduate school invitations. When she performed her Senior (Harding) piano recital she was wearing a beautiful floor length formal gown she had bought in faith at Goodwill for $20 when she was a senior in high school. Before beginning graduate school, she raised funds to go to Uganda, Mbale for a year as a missionary. She now has her doctorate and is as tight with money management as you could ever imagine.
Through God's tremendous keeping of his promises and His hands on their lives, two more siblings equally triumphantly went through high school and then to Harding and graduate degrees despite unbelievable poverty challenges...far different than being raised in the urban inner city because of safety and other community neighborhood factors, but still poverty. They worked full time jobs during summer, but were never allowed to keep or spend any of it, because their summer earnings were the only way we could pay bills.
My spiritual point is poverty is very real, very painful, and very challenging, but whether one feels poor and inadequate is a mind set that we can be victorious over because a Christian can call on God's Word and receive 100% of His blessings and promises regardless of how much money is in our wallet! PTL!!
What we call poverty in the US looks rich to the Mexicans. What Mexicans call poverty looks rich to the Hondurans. What Hondurans call poverty looks rich to the Ugandans. Yet in Mbale, Ugandans smiled with no books, no written language, 5 different spoken languages between their neighboring areas, no housing in any of the villages, no food except what was hunted or grown. To the north, the Sudanese were (and sadly are) being murdered and sold into slavery. To the Sudanese, Uganda looks enviable because they are not being killed. I guess what keeps coming to my heart is how terribly important it is to teach and lead our children and those God puts in our lives to focus on and "count our blessings, name them one by one"! We just don't miss too much when we stay excited about we DO have in relationships, in time, in opportunities, in "stuff". Satan's battlefield really is for our hearts and minds!
I don't know that my four children would have been able to have survived the experiences that occurred in their lives, if the lessons of stewardship had not been learned and lived by consistently whether experiencing abundance or experiencing lack. I don't know that I could have had the wisdom to stay so strict on personal stewardship lessons to my children if God had not already used my youth (full of all forms of abuse and often lack of necessities) to teach me to become an over comer. Romans 8:28!
Please don't feel sorry for this new graduate. God promises her and us that He will meet her NEEDS (but not necessarily all her "wants"). Her graduation is the key to all kinds of opportunities!! If she (and you) see her as RICH in her personal and spiritual resources, knowing that ALL her needs are going to be met through our Lord as we stay in obedience to Him, then everyone (she and you) start looking for and celebrating without reserve that she is on her way to being a Godly light, a great example, and a person who is destined to success, no matter what neighborhood she grew up in!
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