R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Those letters spell respect. Defined as “to consider worthy of high regard” by Webster’s online dictionary. We have all heard that respect is something that has to be earned. In the poor African-American community one way a young man earns respect from other men is by fighting. When someone disrespects you, puts down your momma, or does something else that offends—if you want respect—the proper street response is to fight. Believe me one of the things African-American men want and need more than almost anything else is people to respect them. Therefore, if someone does disrespect you and you don’t challenge that person to a fight, you are only inviting more disrespect and names like “weak”, “whimp”, etc.

This past Wednesday night at church, one of my older teen boys was not himself. He was quiet and withdrawn. He had a look of anger on his face. After class he immediately went outside and distanced himself from all the other teens. I walked over to him and asked him if he was ok. He replied that he was. I told him he didn’t look ok, he looked angry. He told me some of the other teens were talking about him behind his back (even some that he has been relatively close to in the past) and that he was ready to “click” (fight; go off; etc.). He told me that if one of them came over and said one word to him he would snap. I affirmed that I heard that he was angry. And I told him that I was proud of him and respected him for not clicking. I told him I respected him for walking away and cooling down.

What I did was flip the script (give opposite of what is expected) on him. He did exactly what we have been teaching—not to respond to those situations like the world says to respond. And what I am sure he expected to hear was how weak he was for backing down—and he may have heard that from others later. Instead what he heard from me (at least I hope) was that for making that decision he received respect.